Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Coming Soon...

This doll loves spiders.

   This one doesn't.

My latest custom soundtrack will make huge analogue spiders crawl out of your ears. So you'd better watch this space.

Friday, 9 May 2014

Grange Hell

England. 1989. If you were there, then it's likely you were one of the millions of viewers who witnessed the ritualistic slaying of 'difficult' pupil Danny Kendall, by Mystic Master Bronson, the most feared of all teachers in the long running television drama series: Grange Hill.
The events leading up to this tragedy were bizarre to say the least, and those who innocently experienced this horror from the comfort of their own home remain forever scarred.
To mark the 25th anniversary of Danny's terrible fate, I have assembled a sonic account of the days leading up to the grisly discovery of Danny's corpse; which was found in the back of Bronson's car by some of Kendall's horrified classmates.
The piece ends with a chilling version of the iconic theme tune, altered out of respect by the BBC, and only heard once (until now).
To spare the pupils of Grange Hill the nerve shattering details of the case (and possibly protect the name of the school), headmistress Mrs McCluskey explained Danny's death as having occurred as the result of a "brain illness"; but listening to these recordings brings the true nature of this horrible murder into sinister focus.
Bronson walked away a free man, presumably continuing to practice his vile magic on others, while the students planted a tree in the grounds of the school, in a tribute to their fallen friend.

You can examine the case for yourself by downloading it from here.
The curious can invoke it from TOMTIT by pressing this.
Or tune in to direct evil via the link below..

Monday, 21 April 2014

Thursday, 31 October 2013

Let's Scare Jessica To Death [1971] - Custom Soundtrack.

Firstly, allow me to wish everyone a very Happy Halloween; I haven't posted much this year as I've been working on The Pseudoscientific World of TOMTIT with mr Unmann-Wittering. Now that project is off the ground, I'm returning to the macabre world of audio disturbance and will begin by dealing with a request.
This particular custom soundtrack was not made by myself, but was crafted by the excellent Ben from Toys & Techniques. I had been asked to make a soundtrack for this one, but instead here's a link to Ben's original post, as he's done a superb job of capturing the music and sounds from the film. However, I couldn't resist making an album cover using the track titles suggested by Jedrific.

The eerie score was composed by Orville Stoeber & Walter Sear and you can download it here. Well worth a listen - especially today !

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Saturday, 22 June 2013


 I came across this album in the village second hand shop, hidden away behind some damp asbestos tiles. The three old ladies who run the place looked horrified when I asked the price, and screamed that I should "just get rid of it... take it away before it all starts again!".

I did as I was asked, and after a walk home via the churchyard to collect some wild flowers, played the album by candlelight. What followed was a distressing evening of mental torture, sinister apparitions, and malevolent rural forces; all seemingly awakened by these ghastly recordings. My doors mysteriously locked themselves, and I became aware of a group of dark figures gathering around the cottage in the fields outside. At some point I must have passed out, and I awoke the next morning to discover a dozen mummified woodland creatures had been arranged around me in a crude circle.

The year 1974 has been scratched onto the surface of the vinyl, but apart from that, no other information about the contents exists. The back cover credits 'Cottage of Electric Hell' and 'Island of Terror' and I can only assume that these deranged individuals were responsible for the trauma I suffered.

The sounds you hear were taken from side 'A' of the album, and when my mental strength returns I'll attempt to capture the sickening terrors trapped within the grooves of side 'B'.
Until then, I advise you to proceed with extreme caution, cast the appropriate protective runes, and stay inside your chalk circle until you're certain the danger has passed.

You are advised not to allow this unholy noise into your home, but if you insist on dabbling in the black, sonic arts, you can invoke it here.


Thursday, 21 March 2013

Planet Of Dinosaurs [1977] Custom Soundtrack

Giant Foes, Starvation, & Basic Communal Challenges.
Dear reader, I know what you're asking yourself: " how could a 1970's LOW budget dinosaur movie find it's way into the Cottage ? "
The answer is because I carefully coaxed it inside, captured it's crazed music, and released the highly dangerous results back into the wild.
The electronic madness of this score has to be heard to be believed (it took me three viewings just to assure myself that all this was really happening), and those who seek out the Triassic roar of the Analogue Synthesizer will not be disappointed.
And I urge you to mix up your most potent narcotic potion, sit down in front of the film itself, and marvel at the truly stunning stop-motion dinosaurs*, atrocious acting, and monolithic trousers.

* the impressive prehistoric creature footage was ripped off a thousand times for various movies, commercials, and specials, mostly without crediting the source of the material (making this a sort of modern-day ONE MILLION B.C. in terms of cannibalized dinosaur footage).

Duration: 28:20.  320kbps mp3 including custom artwork can be downloaded here, or here.